You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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