i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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