im drinking this country out of the recession.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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