I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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