..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
