So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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