i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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