So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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