dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
