if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize