We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
