I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
