Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
