Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
