when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
