left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
