We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
