There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
did i just pee glitter
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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