he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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