come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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