mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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