Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
