Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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