My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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