Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
