Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
