tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
