It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
