Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
