probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
