O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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