After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
