She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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