you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk is not a location!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
