i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
