My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize