I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
