i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
