this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
