Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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