Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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