Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
