you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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