when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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