I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
