Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drake has all the answers
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
