and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
