did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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