we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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