He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
