oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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