Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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