morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
