It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
