Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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