I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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