this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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