if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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