I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
