ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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