I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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