when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
please don't ironically join a cult
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