is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
