I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
