So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
