Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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