Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
