I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
