The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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